Oh, I believe the older I get, the less I know…
When I was 14, I thought I knew everything. There was nothing my parents or any elder could teach me about life. I was invincible and never thought about death.
When I was 24, I’d learned some valuable lessons about “life and the pursuit of happiness” and being more for the wise, I was always pushing forward. Still, the thought of death did not enter my mind.
When I was 34, I was too busy juggling parenthood, career, wifely duties and even sleep to care if I knew anything. By then, death had come to my family and I made my way through it as best as I was able.
When I was 44, although more confident at work, I felt less confident in my looks and less connected to my children as I had been in the previous decade. Once they leave home, you hope you taught them well about flying on their own. By then, I was an orphan, so grief had forced me to contemplate my own mortality.
I had learned through my vocation and life experiences, that although living life to the fullest was admirable, accepting and honoring death was not only natural, but one of the most important of life’s lessons….
And now, a few stones throw into my 50’s, navigating through an ocean of what is superficial and what has true substance, I feel as if I’m in a house of mirrors. Nothing is ever as it appears. What you thought was good and safe all of a sudden becomes tainted (what’s the stellar opinion of eating eggs this year?); what you feared most turns out to be all illusion (that proverbial boogie man under the bed). People you have trusted for years will betray you; people you never trusted before will rise to your honor.
I have forgotten great dishes I used to make, songs I used to sing and even great accomplishments I made a decade ago and gosh, where the heck did I leave my car keys and sunglasses????
I seem to not be able to grasp that I am a walking miracle…..that I have knocked on deaths’ door on more than one occasion recently and I am still here (I guess God’s not finished with me yet).
This next year I certainly hope to gain new strength and insight and continue to embrace this transition into the last 50 years of my life. I think Forest Gump said it best when he said, “I don’t know if we each have a destiny or we’re all just floatin accidental-like on a breeze. But I think, maybe its both…..maybe both are happening at the same time.”
Yes, the older I get, the less I know. So, my goal for 2015 is to be a feather floating in the breeze… Sometimes surrendering to the currents of the Universe is the wisest of decisions. ~ Mick E. ~